


Promise

by silenceofluna



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:40:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27010636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceofluna/pseuds/silenceofluna
Summary: This is the story of how I became a pretty troll.
Kudos: 1





	Promise

I glance at the clock that hangs limp on the rough gray wall as I start packing my bag to go home. It is the same as everyday. Not that I have energy for something new, but I certain do desire it. You see, there is always this craving that something out of the blue will happen and it will turn your world around. Like in fantasy novels. But then again, those are fantasies. Dreams, sometimes, don't come true, no matter how hard you try. It just has to be that way. I mean, what would the world come to if every single person were to be successful singers, actors, athletes, businessmen, scholars and so on? Not everyone can have it all, and they have to live with that truth weighing down on their chest.

I have learned to bear mine. Not like I ever dreamed of anything realistic ever. I am not ambitious. I never was. I like to lie down on the yellowing grass and look at the sky (and buildings blocking it in most cases), imagining what things would be like if I were not who I am. What if I were a rapstar? What if I were an activist? What if I were a sovereign? What if I were not me?

That is a different talk all together and who I am, makes me odd.

_Remember the girl who used to talk so big and how sure she was that she'd be a big thing? She's working a 9-5 at the publishing house down the lane now._

Desires have wings, and they can be torn apart.

I yawn as I cross the street to catch a bus home from the stand. I don't like crossing streets. It's like betraying the path. The path has a soul. _Had_ a soul.

My stomach growls and I know that I have to eat something heavy once I reach home. I should have woken up earlier today. Toasts for lunch don't work so well.

I board the first bus that stops at the station and take a seat by the window. I am lucky because the bus is not quite filled yet. I put my ear-pods into my ears and start my evening playlist. I have different playlists for different times of the day. I reckon what exactly I'd be feeling at a certain point of time and then make a playlist on it. It doesn't work all the time. I delete them but today, it fits quite well. Leaning my head against the glass window, I let the soft sunlight that seeps in and crackles due to the high-rises and trees that block it momentarily through the ride.

This bus takes the road that winds up by the old amusement park that had been functional when I was a child. I have pretty elaborate memories of it. Most of them are associated with my best friend, Yixing.

_"Remember the girl who used to whore for the Zhang boy? She's so gross."_

_"Yeah, ew. I saw them sneaking out together at night once. Imagine all the things they did in the dark. What a disgrace to the girl's family! Couldn't they just lock her up?"_

_"Apparently, the boy will be leaving for Korea. How pitiful!"_

He is still my best friend, though the notion sounds really childish now. Well, I'm still a child at heart. He lives in Korea. He works as a full time dance trainer and choreographer. He has been flourishing recently. We text as much as we can, but most of the time, he is busy. So I don't bother him much. It's great to see him shine after all the work he put into making his dream come true. Boy, I can't relate. On one hand, there is me who has been all talk no work, and on the other hand, Yixing.

I smile as the thought of him crosses my mind. I am so proud of him.

I wish the park was running. I would love to go there again, but it wouldn't be the same without Yixing.

I remember how we used to literally drag our parents to the park pretty much every Sunday. We were around seven so they wouldn't let us go alone. The world is a freakshow.

Well into teens, the park became our regular hangout. We snuck into it at night a couple of times and pretended to be weird gangsters or mad wild people. It was our jam. Once I got a deep cut trying to jump over the fence. It was a heavy burden for Yixing. He had to tear the sleeve of his own t-shirt to dress it so the bleeding would stop at least. The dispensaries weren't open then. It was well past midnight. But it was all worth it.

At the back of the park, in the maintainence and staff-only area, there was an abandoned old ice cream truck. We used to climb on it on full moon nights, gazing at stars and just basking in the moonshine. With him is the safest I have ever felt.

I feel my phone buzz so I snap out of the nostalgia and check it.

**Balance Boy🤖:** no omg are you crazy  
 **Balance Boy🤖:** anygays  
 **Balance Boy🤖:** there's good news. imma call you @ 9 today.

I smile at it and reply with an okay. It's only the distance that's expanded between us. The bus passes by the park and I turn my head to look at it until it is out of sight. It looks sort of different now --- vacant, dusty and uninhabited so to speak. The shadow of its vibrant past still looms over it though.

I reach home at 6:10 sharp. My back aches a little as I stretch and put my bag down. I don't live with my parents anymore. I couldn't bear their constant gaze of disappointment poking at my cheeks, and they couldn't bear a live pot of disappointment living and feeding under their roof either so it's mutual. I like to live alone. I can spread my limbs. I like to think that I am not alone. I mean I have all these microbes and dust particles hanging around me. How could I be alone technically? Plus, they say that God is always there. What a sneak!

My apartment is not well furnished, but it's livable. I'll buy a washing machine first thing when I save enough money.

I grab my towel and go into the bathroom. After a hot shower, I brew a cup of strong coffee. I will pull an all-nighter today. I have to finish proof reading the rest of the documents and sort them. I don't want these depressing documents gawking at me on a weekend. If I finish these tonight itself, I can chill tomorrow and the day after that.

Yeah, Friday nights aren't party time for me unlike most adults. I don't have any other friend anyway who'd want to hangout with me. Besides, I don't like social gatherings anymore. It just makes me feel drained out.

I get to work after resting a while. Work is good. Helps you take your mind off things. I don't realise it's already 9 when I hear the phone ring by my side. I smack my lips in irritation as the nagging ringtone snaps me out of concentration.

I grab the phone and see it's Yixing. I completely forgot. I quickly receive the phone.

"Hey hey hey," I say it like Bokuto and laugh.

"Girl, what are you doing?" Yixing giggles as he asks.

"I've got like a ton of work piled up in front of me right now," I sigh, "So yeah, just dying."

"Take it easy," he says, "You might wanna look out of your window."

"What?" Something gushes up my chest and I fumble towards the window and push open the curtains.

Yixing stands in front of the building looking up at my window with the phone still on his ear. A playful and excited smile plays on his lips.

"Oh no you didn't," I almost squeak and dash to the door. I grab my jacket and slip into the slippers, running down almost breathless.

MY BEST FRIEND IS HERE. I CAN'T KEEP CALM.

I run straight into his arms and he giggles as he catches me. He almost falls but balances himself and lifts me up in his arms. That's why he's called the balance boy. Years and years of relentless training.

I melt into the embrace. He still has the lemony smell on him and I rub my nose against his shoulder. It's a warm and fuzzy hug.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I snap at him as I pull away.

He looks taken aback but immediately shakes his head and says, "I thought you could use some sudden rush of adrenaline. Come on now, don't bark at your best friend when he's travelled all the way to your apartment to hang out with you."

I punch his arm and chuckle, "So when did you arrive?"

We talk up the stairs as he says, "In the morning. We have a week long break so I thought I'd take the plane to see you and my parents. It's been so long. I couldn't even come home for the summer festival."

  
We enter my apartment and he crashed on the couch first thing and yawned. I chuckle at him.

"Do you want coffee?" I ask.

"Hm?" He looks at me. I notice the dimple on his cheek, "If you're having a cup, sure."

I nod and brew some.

"I'm not bothering you, am I?" He suddenly pops up beside me and breathes on my shoulder. I shudder and almost trip the mugs I'm about to fill.

"N-no," I shake my head, "It's better having someone here than working alone. It's okay, right? I'll quickly finish the documents."

"Yeah, no worries," he toys with the bottle of spice on the cabinet, "I just hope I'm not barging in."

"Who are you and where is my Balance Boy?" I turn to him with dead serious eyes.

He raises his eyebrows and then bursts into laughter, "That's something very you-thing to say." He leans against the kitchen counter beside me and runs his fingers through my loose hair, "I'm your Balance Boy alright. I guess I just developed some manners."

I laugh at him and so does he.

"Wait up," I put a finger in front of him and pull my phone from my pocket, "Let me order something for dinner."

"Yes," he pokes his head to peer into my phone, "Chicken, please!"

After ordering the food, I hand him his mug and we go to my bedroom. He lies down on my bed and I sit across him with the laptop and the heap of papers. Yixing is silent as a cat. I slip into the work and by 10:30, I'm almost done. I thought this would take more time. I breathe out and smile.

"Dinner?" I ask Yixing. He is on the phone playing some game.

"Xingxing?" I tuck at his hair. He flinches.

"Yeah, what?" He shoots up and runs his fingers through his hair.

"Let's eat, boi," I pull a cheeky smile.

"Oh yes, the best time of the day," he smiles like a child.

The food has been delivered already so it is on the table in the cases. I and Yixing pull the cases out of the bag. I grab some plates and Yixing helps me pour the food into them. We make the table and sit down to eat.

Through the dinner, we talk about a lot of stuff. He talks about Korea and his job there, how he met a couple of idols and how even if it's tiring, he loves to do his work. I wish I could say the same.

"How about you?" He asks me, "You didn't say a single thing about yourself."

"Well," I shrug, "There isn't anything, really. It's a good job. The pay is adequate, but it gets boring. Adulting is hard."

"It's okay, girl," he says, "I know you are doing great. You should totally apply for a better publishing house."

"I will. I have got some places in mind."

He smiles at that as he munches on his chicken wing. I can't help but smile too. Having finished our dinner, we clear the table and Yixing helps me wash the dishes.

I don't feel like finishing the rest of my work now. I clear out the files and heap them on my table and crash on bed with Yixing.

"Aren't you going to finish those?" He inquires with raised eyebrows.

I shake my head, "Tomorrow. So, what's up?"

He chuckles under his breath like he always does when I procrastinate, "The ceiling?"

I smack his arm.

"I miss you," He whispers in his airy voice. From the corner of my eye, I see his dimple prominent on his cheek so I know he's smiling softly, "Adulting really isn't that easy."

I turn my head at him, "True, but look at you now. You're doing what you've always wanted to do. Adulting is less boring for you than a lot of people, I guess, though that doesn't mean your feelings don't matter."

"Good point," He says. He raises his hand towards the ceiling and caresses the air, "Do you remember that amusement park we used to visit when we were kids?"

A smile creeps on my lips as I focus my eyes on his slender fingers, "Yeah, I pass by it everyday on the way to work. I saw the head of the Ferris wheel today as well."

Yixing doesn't say anything. I hear his rhythmic breath push out the weighty silence in the room.

"I wish we could go back in time," I feel a warm sensation in my chest.

"Can't we?" He says after a brief pause as he pulls himself up, "Let's go."

He jumps up and stretches his arms and neck. There is a glint of excitement in his eyes. I sit up as well and raise an eyebrow.

"To the park, I mean," He clarifies, "We can't be seventeen again, but we could still relive those years. Well, maybe not precisely, but it still works. Don't tell me you've become the grim old woman!"

"What? No," I laugh and a surge of enthusiasm manifests itself inside me, "It's been so long. Can we really go?"

"I'm already on my feet, girl," He shrugs and pulls me by my hand.

I shake my head and say, "Okay, okay. Let me get dressed, then."

"Absolutely," He says and walks out of the room. I close the door behind him. I feel the smile on my lips tickle my face as I still try to register it's happening. Three years ago when Yixing left for Korea, I sort of convinced myself that the years of recklessness were behind me. It was time for me to put on the mask. The mask of adulthood, if that makes sense. My cousin had once said that for people like me, after-twenties should be all pretend because we are what they call "the misfits", "the wrongly raised" and "the spoiled kids".

I grab a full sleeved t-shirt and a pair of joggers. It's kind of chilly outside.

"I'm ready," I say as I walk into the living room, "Let's go."

Yixing jumps up from the couch and we leave.

We hop the bus and take our seats. It's late so the vehicle is almost empty. We chat along the way and for the first time in years, I feel genuinely happy. Getting down at the bus stop, we make our way to the park. The place hasn't changed a tad bit. Since Yixing left, I haven't been here except that one time when I decided I'd finally move out of my parents' house. That too was about two and a half years ago.

The night air is cool and the stores around the place are still open. It looks emptier than it used to, less lively. Like absolutely, what else did I expect? They abandoned this park. Left it and the vibrancy sort of went to sleep with the youth of half of my generation.

I laugh at that thought.

"What are you laughing at like a lunatic?" Yixing bumps me with his shoulder. All the memories that had been coming in slow till now comes landsliding over me. I feel a warm tug at my heart.

"Nothing," I say with pursed lips, "I just miss the days we used to hang out here, when we were kids. I really miss it."

"And me?" His voice almost melts into the night air. There is something in his voice that tingles me. I feel my cheeks get a little hot.

I look at him and catch his eyes on me. They are soft and there is a small smile on his face, with his dimple lightly visible. My heart skips a beat and I swallow hard to shake off the tense.

"Y-yeah," I stumble, "I miss you, Yixing."

He sighs and looks straight. We walk in a heavy silence. He walks close to me and I feel secure even though the streets are starting to get empty. When we reach the wall of the park, Yixing chuckles and tucks at my arm. A smile crosses my lips and I know what we should do next.

He stops in front of the wall and positions his palms indicating that I mount them and jump over the wall, like I used to. After so long, it feels a little different and I am not quite sure if I can.

"What are you waiting for?" He is smiling ear to ear.

"I might fall," I say hesitantly, "You see, I've aged before time."

"Nope," He says, "You're just telling yourself that because that's what _you've been told_."

I mull that thought over and take a deep breath.

"Okay," I say, "Here we go then."

I put my hand on Yixing's shoulder for support and place my foot on his palms. With pressure, I jump and catch the top of the wall. It isn't that high. He pushes me up and with a little difficulty, I mount the wall and slide my left leg on the other side. Bending on my stomach, I extend my hand down for him as much as I can.

There is trashcan right under the wall and he mounts it and catches my hand. I pull him up and we slide down the other side of the wall.

It is quite dark in here. The lights from the street lamps outside hardly make things visible.

"It's so dark," I say, "Everything is so dark."

"It's okay," Yixing grabs my hand and turns on the torch in his phone, "Keep close to me."

I nod though I know he won't be able to see me do it and wrap my hand around his. My eyes adjust to the darkness in a while. Everywhere the light of Yixing's torch falls, I see familiar things --- just more dull and lifeless. The small cabins, benches --- everything is there, but nothing is. It's paradoxical.

"It's weird how things are still intact in a sense," He says, "I thought they'd pull the place apart and make it barren or something."

"I heard there's some land dispute and stuff so they've sort of let things be," I remark. It was on the news paper about a year ago.

We make it to the Ferris wheel and Yixing throws the light at the huge circular structure. We stare at it. In memory, it looks so vibrant, lit up and cheerful, but right now, it's like a hazy picture. The skies are quite clear tonight. There are patches of dark reddish clouds. I spot a lone star.

"Remember the time we snuck into the ride and almost got caught?" He asks, laughing in his signature childish manner.

I laugh too, "Yeah, I was scared shitless."

We roam around the place and talk about a lot of stuff. For a single moment, I feel that I've travelled back a couple of years. The night air is welcoming, Yixing's voice is like music to my ears and in a long long time, I don't have to force a smile. It all comes to me so naturally.

"Hey," I say, "Let's go to our usual stargazing spot. It totally slipped my mind."

It hits Yixing too and he raises an eyebrow, "Yeah, exactly. We literally forgot the best thing."

"Please, the best thing was the dragon ride," I say.

"No, no, no," I wiggles his fingers and I burst into laughter.

We walk to the other end of the park and there they are --- the raw of ice cream trucks. They're not real vehicles, just show pieces. We used to mount those and lie on the top of them. They're pretty high and there is no structure anywhere near it so the sky looks very clear from there. Also, it's a good place to fortify if you're playing strategies.

We climb up and sit on the head of the truck. It's dusty and my palms almost turn gray so I dust them. Yixing sneezes a couple of times but a few seconds in, we're fine. As we make ourselves comfortable, I look up and the picture of the clear winter skies come rushing on me. The nights we spent here talking, sometimes sobbing over my issues, Yixing calming me down, telling me to breathe and hugging me if things turned bad. There were traumatic times but Yixing made things bearable. My eyes moisten and I feel something surge up my throat so I breathe out.

Yixing wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into a side hug. I snuggle in.

"Are you okay?" He asks in a hushed voice, his hand softly playing with my hair.

I nod and keep looking up. Yixing takes the message and doesn't say anything. We stay like that for a while and then pull away. He has always been the understanding and patient one. On the other hand, I'm impulsive. It's weird how we have managed to be best friends for so long.

"Been long," He says without looking at me, attempting to start conversation. I sit up straight and turn to him.

"You're kind of acting weird, you know," I chuckle, "Has Korea made you shy?"

From the faint light of the phone screen, I see Yixing's face tense a little. Is something wrong? I get a bit worried. Is there bad news?

"Well," He says with a sigh and looks at me with a raised eyebrow, "I'm not being shy or anything. What exactly do you feel is weird in me tonight?"

I scan his face for a couple of seconds, "You kind of seem quieter, like there is something you want to say but can't. Is something wrong? You can talk to me, you know that, right?"

"Nothing is wrong," He says, "Not when I am with you."

"And you're being cheesy too. Boy, what's gotten into you?" I smack his arm.

He laughs lightly, "I am so bad at this."

"At what?"

"I don't know," He almost throws a tantrum and shakes his head. His hair sways in the night breeze and I stare at the tangles and curled ends. I suddenly have a strong urge to touch his hair.

"Talk to me," I turn my body to him and place my cheeks on my palms like children who settle themselves before a story-teller.

"Yeah, that's what," He rolls his eyes and smiles. He is so cute sometimes. I can't help but smile ear to ear. How many months has it been since we've been so relaxed and close to each other? Everything feels so normal now, so close and familiar. It sort of breaks my heart that things will go back to the new reality the next day.

"But you have to promise me something," He says, "Okay, this is awkward."

"Promise you what?"

"Okay," He breathes and sits up straight so that he's facing me. Our knees brush softly and the warmth feels welcoming, "So here is the thing. I'm sort of going to tell you something and I've always wanted to say it. But I never had the courage because there is something so beautiful between us and I don't want to trade it for the world. You matter a lot to me. Just promise me that if this thing that I'm going to tell you now doesn't go well with you, you'll still be my friend."

His words give me a jolt and I straighten up. Is it something so bad that could threaten our friendship? I feel my heart drop a little and the smile fades away from my lips.

"What is it, Yixing?" I ask in a grim voice.

His face turns a little pale as well, "Chill, girl. It's not something bad. Can you promise me that and keep it like you always have?"

I don't know what to do so I just nod my head, "Yeah," the word trails at the end. What can it be?

He takes a deep breath again and begins, "Okay so here's the thing. I have always cherished you. You are my best friend and the only friend that actually matters to me. I have had a lot of people in my life but you have been the one who has actually proved your worth as a friend. You've always had my back and I love you. I love you. That's what I want to say. It was back in the final year of school when it hit me that I had fallen for you. I thought it was just a little infatuation that'd go away and stuff, but it persisted over time. In fact, it grew stronger. But I was so afraid. I didn't want you to be creeped out and leave me. I thought having you as a friend is better than not having you at all. It's all messed up, I know, and I don't even make sense. I held it in for a long time and it only ended up hurting me. Leaving for Korea was a tough choice and I decided to give it up because I wanted to be with you, but you were so happy for me. Maybe more excited than I was, and then there was this thirst to achieve my dreams too so I left. I am so damn glad that we didn't grow apart. I couldn't bear that, honestly. Gosh, this is so cheesy. Anyway, so I tried to keep it to me. I thought perhaps it'd go away. I'd meet someone new, but no one could ever make me feel the way you do. Lately, something told me that I should tell you what I feel. Even if you don't reciprocate, I'm okay with it. Best friends share everything with each other, don't they? If you feel creeped out now, just pretend I'm talking about some other girl or whatever."

With that he turned his face away. I can see his cheeks turn read in the faint light, but my mind is filled up with too many things now. I try to process everything he said. Did he say that it was me he has a crush on? Or did I hear it wrong? I widen my eyes and try to comprehend the whole thing.

"Uh," I say, or rather, grunt, "Come again?"

Yixing looks at me and pulls a face that says _not again!_

"You," I point a finger at him and then at me, "Had a crush on _me?"_

He shrugs, "Yeah."

"Wow, what am I supposed to do now?" I scratch my head trying to think how I should respond.

He sighs, "Forget it. It doesn't matter," He pinches my left cheek and chuckles, "You look so cute when you're confused. So, are you going to run away now? I understand if you will, though."

I shake my head, "No, Yixing. You're the only one I have. I am just--- this was sort of too much for me to process and I don't know, I've never been confessed to or whatever you call it. I am awkward, can't you see?"

"Like hell, I see it," He laughs, but I know it's forced.

"I have never really thought about dating and stuff," I say, "I have had crush on people, but literally every human being on this planet is out of my league so yeah."

"Lies!" He almost jumps, "Don't lie, woman!"

"What?" I laugh, "Really, though. Like look at me. I'm a troll."

"You're a pretty good hearted troll," He points out, "But yes you're a troll."

I roll my eyes at him.

Yixing puts his hand on his mouth to control his laughter and says, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For making you feel awkward. You can forget it. I don't want to lose my best friend."

I put a hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry, Yixing, you'll never lose your best friend. I am just not sure yet. I need to think. Well, you know I don't even know myself."

"That's okay," He smiles, "You can have all the time in the world, immortal troll."

We burst out laughing and he hugs me. I sink into his strong arms and relax. I need to evaluate my feelings to give him a straight answer and I'm sure he'll wait. He's always the patient one. Well, Yixing as a boyfriend doesn't sound bad, but I really want to be sure about my feelings. I don't want to hurt him in any way. It does sound like a big plunge but I'll take my time. Yixing deserves the best of everything and I'm far from it, but I want to try my best. I feel his heart racing against his chest. This might have been really stressful to him. He's so good at hiding things.

We pull away and he softly plants a kiss on my cheek. I blush because this peck means something totally different than the ones before.

"I'll sort out my feelings and give you an answer," I assure him, "You'll wait, right?"

"Of course, I will," He smiles brightly at me, "If I have to, I'll wait forever."

"Cringey," I say and look up at the sky.

"Yeah, that was lame," He says and we laugh.

He lies down on the dusty surface and so do I. We'll stargaze now, though there are hardly any stars visible now. I see one at the nether tip of the faint moon arc.

I point at it, "Look."

"I name this star The Pretty Troll Who Makes Me Happy," Yixing says.

"You're insane," I say.

"I know," He chuckles, "But so are you."

We giggle and continue teasing each other, as the chill night wind whispers a calm tune and the serene sky ceiling remains above us, unchanging, constant forever.

• • • • •

Thanks for reading 💖


End file.
